A New Dance Step



I walked in the door of the rusted coffee shop.
Tears flowed from my eyes before I speak a word.
"I am sorry I am late."
I say out loud.
But inside I say
"I am afraid you will reject me."
The stakes are low.
A friend wanting to catch up
but I am already thinking the worst.


I delay my attendance to a meeting.
My heart feels heavy and I have nothing to give.
"I haven't ate." I say out loud
"I am afraid." my heart screams out.
They don't know how to address me.
I have no idea how to stop this feeling.


I drive away when you jumped out the car.
My heart heard - you didn't want me at all.
You really said you would be right back.
I head home
you call my phone.
I worried you don't care
You are worried you said something wrong.


This list goes on and my heart is really raw.
I don't know how to soothe this pain on my own.
Wounds from forever and forever ago.
After reflection I can see
I have needs that I am afraid to speak!
I question do they matter to others.
I know they at least matter to me.

A gentle voice, a spiritual conduit
reminds me of the light.
This is an opportunity to try to work through it
and embrace the grey.
A new dance step
An inch to grow
An opportunity to break harmful paradigms
and embrace life's constant movement.

So now I try.....
My voice is small as I ask for what I need.
But over time I know it will grow into a strong roar.
I need connection
I need to be seen
I need to be comforted
I need grace when I step on your toes.

I close my eyes and there he is.
My divine lion figure who has always been.
He nods to me as to tell me he will show me how to stand
when I want to run away.

This piece of me is my first step in the dance.
I'll let you know how it goes.


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