Take it Easy: Healing Takes Time
I believe our Westernized society has created some misconceptions about the time frame people heal. We like everything fast and convenient (just like our food) and we expect other aspects of life to be the same.
Grief, internal pain, and family struggles are areas that our society is not comfortable with so we expect everyone to get over their pain or at least keep it to themselves (individualist view). We want to believe that we can do anything on our own and very quickly... like heal years of brokenness in a couple of weeks. People are not created to be alone nor to be rebooted when life is difficult.
My own faith tradition, Christianity has an expectation that God will heal people instantaneously. Again optimal healing is viewed in a rapid fashion. This is sometimes true, but most of the time healing is a long journey filled with lessons and closure. I think God is a fan of journey's because the bible narrative is full of them. I believe journey's help people develop character, gratitude, and the ability to live in tension. Life is full of ongoing tensions.
My own story of healing has been an ongoing process for many years. Layers of deep pain and family issues have been addressed at different times in my life. Looking back now I do no think I could handle such a rapid recovery. Each lesson had to simmer for a while, which also meant sitting with pain and that has been the difficult part. As an educated woman in a helping profession I often expect myself to "know better" or be past a hurt by now. I also expect perfection because my culture excuses that expectation.
I have found that growing and healing takes many different elements working together. I very much believe in a holistic approach to healing therefore no one factor can create optimal healing by itself.
A few I have identified are:
-Knowing yourself and your tendencies. Knowing yourself will help you identify patterns, triggers, and points of intervention. Self assessments like the Enneagram have been helpful for me to understand what healthy and unhealthy behavior looks like for my personality. There are so many resources for different assessments and I strongly encourage looking into this.
-Safe environment. It's hard to sit with and face deep issues when you are constantly worrying about the people and situations that surround you. This is a tough one to figure out! It is not always easy to identify people or situations that are unhealthy, especially when emerged in them for so long. This is why professional help (Counselor, Therapist, Religious leader, Spiritual directors, etc) can be helpful to process with. Sometimes it is unrealistic to leave the situation you are in, but can you create a daily ritual that can foster some of the characteristics of a healthy environment?
-Trusted circle of people. Friends, family, community members, and colleagues who are healthy are an important asset to finding a new way of doing things. These relationships serve as corrective emotional experiences to help us see alternative ways of living. Sometimes our pain comes from not knowing how to approach a situation differently or not knowing other alternatives exist! This group of people is also honest and real with you. They will not let you get away with things but they will also love you. My group of people has helped me recognize unhealthy relationships I was in. With love and directness I was able to make some profound connections about my own patterns and make healthy changes. I would not have been able to do this without their intervention.
-Silent Space.Our brains need to recovery from all the stimuli we experience daily. Balancing the community portion of our lives with the personal reflection is a challenge. Sometimes people prefer one over the others and claim their introverts or extrovert tendencies are the cause. The reality is we need both. Creating silent space is not an easy practice to master, but starting small will help ease you into it. Start with five minutes and reflect on your experience. Maybe next week try 10 minutes.
-Spiritual practice. I validate there are different spiritual practices and traditions people engage with. Even within Christianity people engage in spiritual practices in various ways and I think that is a beautiful thing. I have found yoga to be an incredibly transformative experience for me because my whole self is engaged. I have found meditation on a particular scripture, poem, or quote to be effective. There are so many options and regardless of what your beliefs (or lack) of are it is so important to find a way to connect.
-Treat your body with care. Exercise, eat healthy food, and get lots of rest. Our bodies are not machines and we only get one. I agree is easier said that done, but it should be a priority!
-Do fun things. Life is not over yet, so do things that make you happy. Laughter is a wonderful tool to help calm the body and reduce distress. Responsible fun is a great way to help balance the hard times and it gives us something to look forward to. I often times look forward to dancing, eating out with friends, and taking road trips. It helps me stay focused on my healing and know relief is coming! Fun things can become a distraction from dealing with hurt and pain, so make sure to have a good balance.
As a Marriage Family Therapist trainee I am starting to encounter many people who come in for therapy either reluctantly or willing but some expect to be "fixed" in a short period of time. The initial interaction of sitting with a therapist allows some people to find initial relief, which a client can translated into being well again. So, they don't come back. Or if they come for a few sessions and they don't see outward change then therapy must not be working.
My current struggle is figuring out how to challenge this misconception. It's kind of a big one to challenge and I do not have the platform to change the whole system, just educate those who sit across from me one hour a week. I also struggle to remember that my own healing is taking time.
I am still human and even with training and amazing people who have surrounded me I have to trust the process. I watched a funny movie this weekend and one of the tag lines was "Take it Easy." I somehow heard that as a way to address my soul, with love and with a light heart. So, as a reminder to you and to myself: take it easy, healing takes time.
Grief, internal pain, and family struggles are areas that our society is not comfortable with so we expect everyone to get over their pain or at least keep it to themselves (individualist view). We want to believe that we can do anything on our own and very quickly... like heal years of brokenness in a couple of weeks. People are not created to be alone nor to be rebooted when life is difficult.
My own faith tradition, Christianity has an expectation that God will heal people instantaneously. Again optimal healing is viewed in a rapid fashion. This is sometimes true, but most of the time healing is a long journey filled with lessons and closure. I think God is a fan of journey's because the bible narrative is full of them. I believe journey's help people develop character, gratitude, and the ability to live in tension. Life is full of ongoing tensions.
My own story of healing has been an ongoing process for many years. Layers of deep pain and family issues have been addressed at different times in my life. Looking back now I do no think I could handle such a rapid recovery. Each lesson had to simmer for a while, which also meant sitting with pain and that has been the difficult part. As an educated woman in a helping profession I often expect myself to "know better" or be past a hurt by now. I also expect perfection because my culture excuses that expectation.
I have found that growing and healing takes many different elements working together. I very much believe in a holistic approach to healing therefore no one factor can create optimal healing by itself.
A few I have identified are:
-Knowing yourself and your tendencies. Knowing yourself will help you identify patterns, triggers, and points of intervention. Self assessments like the Enneagram have been helpful for me to understand what healthy and unhealthy behavior looks like for my personality. There are so many resources for different assessments and I strongly encourage looking into this.
-Safe environment. It's hard to sit with and face deep issues when you are constantly worrying about the people and situations that surround you. This is a tough one to figure out! It is not always easy to identify people or situations that are unhealthy, especially when emerged in them for so long. This is why professional help (Counselor, Therapist, Religious leader, Spiritual directors, etc) can be helpful to process with. Sometimes it is unrealistic to leave the situation you are in, but can you create a daily ritual that can foster some of the characteristics of a healthy environment?
-Trusted circle of people. Friends, family, community members, and colleagues who are healthy are an important asset to finding a new way of doing things. These relationships serve as corrective emotional experiences to help us see alternative ways of living. Sometimes our pain comes from not knowing how to approach a situation differently or not knowing other alternatives exist! This group of people is also honest and real with you. They will not let you get away with things but they will also love you. My group of people has helped me recognize unhealthy relationships I was in. With love and directness I was able to make some profound connections about my own patterns and make healthy changes. I would not have been able to do this without their intervention.
-Silent Space.Our brains need to recovery from all the stimuli we experience daily. Balancing the community portion of our lives with the personal reflection is a challenge. Sometimes people prefer one over the others and claim their introverts or extrovert tendencies are the cause. The reality is we need both. Creating silent space is not an easy practice to master, but starting small will help ease you into it. Start with five minutes and reflect on your experience. Maybe next week try 10 minutes.
-Spiritual practice. I validate there are different spiritual practices and traditions people engage with. Even within Christianity people engage in spiritual practices in various ways and I think that is a beautiful thing. I have found yoga to be an incredibly transformative experience for me because my whole self is engaged. I have found meditation on a particular scripture, poem, or quote to be effective. There are so many options and regardless of what your beliefs (or lack) of are it is so important to find a way to connect.
-Treat your body with care. Exercise, eat healthy food, and get lots of rest. Our bodies are not machines and we only get one. I agree is easier said that done, but it should be a priority!
-Do fun things. Life is not over yet, so do things that make you happy. Laughter is a wonderful tool to help calm the body and reduce distress. Responsible fun is a great way to help balance the hard times and it gives us something to look forward to. I often times look forward to dancing, eating out with friends, and taking road trips. It helps me stay focused on my healing and know relief is coming! Fun things can become a distraction from dealing with hurt and pain, so make sure to have a good balance.
As a Marriage Family Therapist trainee I am starting to encounter many people who come in for therapy either reluctantly or willing but some expect to be "fixed" in a short period of time. The initial interaction of sitting with a therapist allows some people to find initial relief, which a client can translated into being well again. So, they don't come back. Or if they come for a few sessions and they don't see outward change then therapy must not be working.
My current struggle is figuring out how to challenge this misconception. It's kind of a big one to challenge and I do not have the platform to change the whole system, just educate those who sit across from me one hour a week. I also struggle to remember that my own healing is taking time.
I am still human and even with training and amazing people who have surrounded me I have to trust the process. I watched a funny movie this weekend and one of the tag lines was "Take it Easy." I somehow heard that as a way to address my soul, with love and with a light heart. So, as a reminder to you and to myself: take it easy, healing takes time.
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