Rituals: The Hope of Togetherness
Ritual: I am using this word in the terms of reputation, intention, and remembrance.
Lately I am trying to figure out how to recover from my closest friends moving away...(and one still in the process of moving). I have relied on friendships to be the core of my foundation, so having people leave is hard for me. At the same time I am resting into an space that my head and heart can process some of the big themes of my life. Layer that with school, work, and an internship, which basically equates to an increase in sensitivity and longing. Some days I feel completely drained and upset that I have to keep enduring so much change! Thankfully after a good nights sleep, lovely company, and some solitude I am feeling like I can actively grow again in this season.
My friend's departures were not on bad terms, yet markers of celebration: graduation, marriage, new jobs, and mission work! How could I not celebrate with them? Secretly I wish I could keep them but reframing loss has been a journey of mine this year. Viewing people's time as a gift regardless of the amount. Instead of leaving its a transition. People are not mine to keep, but I pray we can continue a relationship from a far. And hey, a free place to stay all over the world!! Yet the part that has helped me cope is creating some sort of ritual act that marks departure, celebrates when we reunite, and prioritizes when we plan to see each other again. The last few months have been full of intentional goodbyes that include long journeys and moving of things and I am glad I got to partake in these events. The act of ending an era if you will. For one of my soul sisters it is also the dedication to travel together every year... and we have Boston and New York coming up soon! That helps with the now, but I also realize I have to look back to my roots.
One of my deepest life hurts stems from the loss of my father, who died of cancer when I was seven. My family did not have the tools nor the space to mourn him properly and long story short his memory was placed in a closet. I never understood why someone else's insecurities could prohibit a child from celebrating their father. Needless to say 21 years later I am choosing to honor his memory whenever I can. His birthday is this month and my brothers and I have decided to throw him a 50th birthday party! I hope this celebration can continue as a tradition my brothers and I carry on to honor his memory. Just the collaboration alone has brought me so much healing and joy! Now the generation below us can know him and we can talk openly about our precious memories. I can't wait to eat breakfast for dinner and talk about stories of my father.
In my everyday life I rejoice in the simple acts of people wanting to connect on some level of a ritualistic act. Like taking walks regularly, setting up times of prayer and deep conversation, intentional meals, and my current favorite: dancing to classics! Having something to look forward to in a ritualistic way gives me hope that we will be together again. My abandoned heart can hope again...! We each have a world view that shapes how we react to situations and I realize my own experiences (and being a 4 in the Enneagram) make my view more emotional. Thankfully many of my friends and family are trying to understand my sentimental view of life and gladly oblige. And I am able to begin to build again meaningful relationships that have value and substance.
As a Christian raised catholic, this journey I am on reminds me of Jesus and the last supper. Looking at the ritualistic act in the moment and context it occurred allows me to see hurting disciples who were going to lose a friend. They did not have all the answers and the Messiah himself could not take away their pain, but he offered a way to always stay connected to him through an act of remembrance. Consuming bread and wine already had cultural values assigned to them (SES, religious custom, cultural customs) yet Jesus repurposed these foods to have a specific meaning. Now, Christians mourn the loss of Jesus but we will never experience the same pain as the disciples, yet we can share in their pain through the body and blood.
I wonder what cultural element I can repurpose to remember on a daily basis of my connections to friend and family who are not near? Something to think about... Something to think about for all of us. What little things in our lives can we assign meaning to help us stay connected to our roots? Our purpose? Our dreams? I hope you read this and are inspired to set up some ritualistic acts in your own life to create the sense of togetherness. Life is now, and through our struggles we can still find beauty in it.
Lately I am trying to figure out how to recover from my closest friends moving away...(and one still in the process of moving). I have relied on friendships to be the core of my foundation, so having people leave is hard for me. At the same time I am resting into an space that my head and heart can process some of the big themes of my life. Layer that with school, work, and an internship, which basically equates to an increase in sensitivity and longing. Some days I feel completely drained and upset that I have to keep enduring so much change! Thankfully after a good nights sleep, lovely company, and some solitude I am feeling like I can actively grow again in this season.
My friend's departures were not on bad terms, yet markers of celebration: graduation, marriage, new jobs, and mission work! How could I not celebrate with them? Secretly I wish I could keep them but reframing loss has been a journey of mine this year. Viewing people's time as a gift regardless of the amount. Instead of leaving its a transition. People are not mine to keep, but I pray we can continue a relationship from a far. And hey, a free place to stay all over the world!! Yet the part that has helped me cope is creating some sort of ritual act that marks departure, celebrates when we reunite, and prioritizes when we plan to see each other again. The last few months have been full of intentional goodbyes that include long journeys and moving of things and I am glad I got to partake in these events. The act of ending an era if you will. For one of my soul sisters it is also the dedication to travel together every year... and we have Boston and New York coming up soon! That helps with the now, but I also realize I have to look back to my roots.
One of my deepest life hurts stems from the loss of my father, who died of cancer when I was seven. My family did not have the tools nor the space to mourn him properly and long story short his memory was placed in a closet. I never understood why someone else's insecurities could prohibit a child from celebrating their father. Needless to say 21 years later I am choosing to honor his memory whenever I can. His birthday is this month and my brothers and I have decided to throw him a 50th birthday party! I hope this celebration can continue as a tradition my brothers and I carry on to honor his memory. Just the collaboration alone has brought me so much healing and joy! Now the generation below us can know him and we can talk openly about our precious memories. I can't wait to eat breakfast for dinner and talk about stories of my father.
In my everyday life I rejoice in the simple acts of people wanting to connect on some level of a ritualistic act. Like taking walks regularly, setting up times of prayer and deep conversation, intentional meals, and my current favorite: dancing to classics! Having something to look forward to in a ritualistic way gives me hope that we will be together again. My abandoned heart can hope again...! We each have a world view that shapes how we react to situations and I realize my own experiences (and being a 4 in the Enneagram) make my view more emotional. Thankfully many of my friends and family are trying to understand my sentimental view of life and gladly oblige. And I am able to begin to build again meaningful relationships that have value and substance.
As a Christian raised catholic, this journey I am on reminds me of Jesus and the last supper. Looking at the ritualistic act in the moment and context it occurred allows me to see hurting disciples who were going to lose a friend. They did not have all the answers and the Messiah himself could not take away their pain, but he offered a way to always stay connected to him through an act of remembrance. Consuming bread and wine already had cultural values assigned to them (SES, religious custom, cultural customs) yet Jesus repurposed these foods to have a specific meaning. Now, Christians mourn the loss of Jesus but we will never experience the same pain as the disciples, yet we can share in their pain through the body and blood.
I wonder what cultural element I can repurpose to remember on a daily basis of my connections to friend and family who are not near? Something to think about... Something to think about for all of us. What little things in our lives can we assign meaning to help us stay connected to our roots? Our purpose? Our dreams? I hope you read this and are inspired to set up some ritualistic acts in your own life to create the sense of togetherness. Life is now, and through our struggles we can still find beauty in it.
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